we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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