tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
