We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
