I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
