I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
