so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
