I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
