My Higher Power is John Stamos
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
we should paint friendship bongs
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