Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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