This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
