Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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