just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I need a burrito and a hug.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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