guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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