Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
