Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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