yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
