I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
