Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
