don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
It's shark week go big or go home
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
