stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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