We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
