I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
