I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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