I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
