God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
