Your favorite bartender is back from prision
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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