It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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