Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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