After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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