Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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