Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
