I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
