So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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