please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
