You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
