if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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