My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
whose ass print is on the piano?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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