every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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