sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
