I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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