he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
