I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Randomize
