I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
