if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
