Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
