This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
