Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
We left the knife in your bed.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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