hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
