thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
