The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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