So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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