Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Randomize
