I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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