She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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