Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
