I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
