Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
