You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
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He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
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THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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