If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
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He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
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He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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