So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
she looked like the before picture.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
