I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
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just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
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I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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