Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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