I accidentally had phone sex last night
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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