I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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