She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
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she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
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There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
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