I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
