I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
