At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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