these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
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