don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
My feet surprised me
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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