Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
