is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
