I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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