If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
