how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
