Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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