Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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