I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
