That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Randomize
