Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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