my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments