you're like a bully in the Christmas story
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
