I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Someone shattered a urinal.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
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