So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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