I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
It was confusing and full of hummus
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
